GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
