I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
