I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
