worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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