so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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