So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
