I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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