some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
