new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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