i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
