So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
