somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
