your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
