how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
