My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
