tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My ass is underappreciated
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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