I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
