bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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