If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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