Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
