we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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