This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
