don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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