White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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