after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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