she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How naked do you want me to be?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
