I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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