i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
