Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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