I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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