I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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