when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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