Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
