If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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