better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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