somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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