Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
