was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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