I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
