i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
