i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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