your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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