Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
