Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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