End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
