i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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