I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
