and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
