He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
