it was like his penis was on wheels.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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