Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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